THIS BLOG HAS MOVED

yobbo.drivelwarehouse.com

Moving Day! Due to Blogger's recent crappiness I will be moving the blog onto movable type as of today. Yobbo's View will be joining the Drivel Warehouse stable along with the great luminaries Rich Baillie and Gareth Parker. Special Thanks to Rich for helping me with the move across to movable type. There will be no further posts on this site, so please browse on over to the new, improved Yobbo's View!

FUCK TERRORISTS! I don't think this makes a whole lot of sense:

THE Balinese Government will forbid any "inappropriate" rebuilding on the site of the Sari Club and Paddy's bar, the scene of so much death and anguish last October. Bali's deputy governor, I Gusti Bagus Alit Putra, said his Government would work with the municipal authorities to prevent the owners rebuilding the nightclubs.

It is my understanding that part of the reason Paddy's Bar and the Sari Club were bombed is because of the distaste on part of radical Islamists for drinking and debauchery in general (Along with, of course, the chance to kill a lot of Westerners). They see Bali as a kind of modern Sodom and wanted to send a message. What better way to commemorate those who lost their lives by rebuilding the places bigger and better than before? If it were up to me, I'd build the biggest, shiniest, seediest nightclub the world has ever seen in it's place. The people who died in Bali were there for drinking and good times! Just as they will rebuild the World Trade Centre with a new, improved version of the same, let's send a message to those responsible that our way of life will continue despite their violence. Those who died in Bali would be remembered by future generations of Australians visiting the pub built in their memory, and continuing a tradition that someone tried to destroy.

I Don't Like Cricket, Oh No Scott Wickstein has a good preview of the Windies/Australia test that started last night. Since it's already started though, let's take a look at the big news so far.

• Australia chose to play both spinners. (Leaving out Martin Love)
• With Hogg, Bichel and Lee in the side, Gilchrist moves to #6, and either Bichel or Hogg will be #7. In one day matches Australia has chosen Hogg ahead of Bichel, but Bichel's good form should see him get the #7 spot. If he continues to bat well, he becomes what we have lacked since, well forever. A genuine test All-Rounder.
• Bichel has already chipped in with 3 wickets, including Lara. Not a bad start.
• Brett Lee dismissed debutant opener Devon Smith LBW, after it came basically off the middle of the bat onto his pad. A truly disgraceful decision by Rudi Koertzen.
• Four LBW's in the first innings. That is a lot.
• The West Indies are awful and we will win 4-0 barring a double century by Lara.

Sux 2 B Me! Today I was planning on making an announcement that would, in effect, end my blogging adventure. I applied to join the RAAF officer training program to be an Air Traffic Controller a while back. Last Friday I went in for my aptitude and ability testing at the Defence Force Recruiting center, and sat numerous tests. The tests consisted of a pretty standard IQ test, as well as 2 specific tests sat by only RAAF officers enlisting as Pilots or Air Traffic Controllers. I got through these pretty handily and today was scheduled for medical testing and my final Interview. Getting through this final stage would see me offered a position in the officer training school in Point Cook, Victoria. Unfortunately for me, I was deemed medically unfit for enlistment. I can quite confidently say I disagreed with the doctor's conclusion. I have a skin condition that could be aggravated by combat training in swamp or jungle situations, which seems hardly important considering that the job I applied for was a non-combat role. In any case I doubt I will be appealing the decision, so my announcement today is considerably less triumphant than I anticipated. It's not all bad news, however! After all, Iraq has been liberated by Coalition forces, and the Iraqi people are dancing in the streets (despite the predictions of the doomsayers). Along with that, my blog today will click over 5,000 unique hits today! That's about 85 a day since I started in January. So, thanks to everyone who has found time to read this blog since I started up, and I hope you continue to do so.

Proof that AOL is evil I think Margo Kingston just found my website! Elsewhere on AOL:

• Message Boards about "Uday Hussein is sexy"
• Home Pages about "Uday Hussein is sexy"
• Kids Only sites about "Uday Hussein is sexy"

That's right kids!

Design Change Nothing special here, I just made a new column on the right to keep permalinks to some of my more substantial rants. This is primarily for the benefit of the 10 billion visitors I have had in the last few days looking for Democracy, Whiskey and Sexy. Enjoy!

LIBERATION First, some housekeeping: Tim Blair is caught in a quandary:

I SHOULDN'T be so happy. After all, I'm a right-wing deathbeast, and the end (or near end) of a war should upset me, because we conservatives lust for war all the time. Except when we have to fight it ourselves, of course. Being chickenhawks and all.

I'm also happy the quagmire is no more. No "million Mogadishus", no "hundreds of thousands of dead innocents". If you have a TV or an Internet thingo, the pictures of Liberated Iraqis are all around you. Go take a look because I'm going to be watching it too.

Greenpeace are Idiots. Free speech is a basic right in our country. Unfortunately, some elements in our society think that means that anything goes, as long as it's accompanied by a message. Free Speech means what it says. It doesn't give you the right to sabotage, piracy or otherwise hinder the actions of groups you are opposed to. Actions like those yesterday highlight just how idiotic Greenpeace are. How can they be sure the RAN knew what the mission of the boats was? As Gareth notes:

Should someone have told them that the main role of the navy is to remove mines that impede the humanitarian effort? Do the Greens want the mines to stay in place or do they want humanitarian aid to get through?

Of course the obvious answer is: They don't give a shit. They just want to get on the news no matter what happens. The only way the protest could have been more successful for Greenpeace is if the RAN Vessel opened fire on their boats. Not only would that mean worldwide coverage for Greenpeace, but a huge increase in their membership out of sympathy for the "innocent" victims. I use the word "innocent" in quotation marks for a good reason. Members of Greenpeace and affiliated NGO's are guilty of many crimes, ranging from Piracy to outright Wetworks. Apart from the obvious illegality of actions against Warships, Greenpeace could quite easily be digging their own graves through their actions. Fedayeen in Iraq are already conducting suicide attacks disguised as Red Crescent Ambulances. How long before the first suicide attack under a Greenpeace Flag? Boarding naval vessels is possibly the most stupid thing I can think of at this point in time. At least they had the good sense to do it to an Australian vessel this time. God knows what would have happened if they tried it on a US warship, and they've already been given a pretty clear message by the French.

Just Because I'm Paranoid, It Doesn't Mean They Aren't Out To Get Me! Commandante Corr thinks the US is deliberately targetting independent media in Baghdad because...well, he doesn't really offer any motive, I guess it's just because they are eeeeeeevil.

The Americans knew exactly what they were bombing. Abu Dhabi TV's "identity is spelled out in large blue letters on the roof". The Palestine Hotel is, to steal Ken's phrase, "notoriously where nearly all international journalists were headquartered". Al Jazeera insists that "Our office is in a residential area and even the Pentagon knows its location". So were the attacks accidental? Based on the eyewitness accounts: No. Against Al Jazeera, the US seems to have flown past a couple of times to make sure they hit the right target:

In an unrelated story, Rob's local deli has completely sold out of aluminium foil. And hats.

Whales: Succulent and Tasty! Scientists aren't convinced that whales are all they are cracked up to be.

Less intelligent whale species are much like sheep and should be sustainably hunted, says one of the nation's most influential environmental scientists, Tim Flannery. In a controversial paper to be published in next week's Quarterly Essay, Dr Flannery, author, mammalogist and director of the South Australian Museum, says whale protection has departed from "environmental logic".

Of course, such revelations are nothing new to thinkers such as Maddox, who writes:

Whales are drinking all our water and eating our sailors. When they're not busy ravaging the high seas, they're getting beached and rotting to death out of spite so nobody can enjoy the beach. In fact, when is the last time a whale did anything other than some stupid trick like jumping out of the water? Ooh, the whale can jump out of the water. Big deal. Try building an oil rig, then I'll be impressed asshole.

Quotes of the Day When people thought the earth was flat, they were wrong. When people thought the earth was spherical, they were wrong. But if you think that thinking the earth is spherical is just as wrong as thinking the earth is flat, then your view is wronger than both of them put together. -- Isaac Asimov, "The Relativity of Wrong" (1989) The true teacher defends his pupils against his own personal influence. He inspires self-distrust. He guides their eyes from himself to the spirit that quickens him. He will have no disciple. -- Amos Bronson Alcott, Orphic Sayings,"The Teacher" (1840) Are you listening?

The Best Page in The Universe Well, mine is pretty good, but even I have to defer to the master.

I Win! This thing is stupid, but that's never kept anything off my blog, so why start now?

Yobbo is a Bone-Eating Death Monkey ...with a Battle Rating of 8.9 To see if your Food-Eating Battle Monkey can defeat Yobbo, enter your name:

Blogging Can Save Your Life! A fascinating story of one blogger's encounter with a new girlfriend, and how his posting about her on his blog led to an amazing revelation from a reader.

I've never received any kind of crank message related to a blog entry. "She's not the person she claims to be" sounds more like a line of dialogue from a Hollywood thriller, not real life. In spite of my incredulity, I couldn't write it off as some kind of prank. Whoever wrote the letter knew too many details about New Girl to just be some random person playing a joke. Was this person telling the truth, or was this someone with a personal vendetta against New Girl?

It gets even murkier later on. Read the whole thing here.

Impersonating Saddam just isn't as much fun as it used to be, even in Hollywood

The News in Brief Steven Den Beste explains why the siege of Baghdad is not a siege at all. Freedom-loving Iraqi man looks forward to US led installation of Democracy, Whiskey and Sexy in Iraq. Lileks likes it:

Photoshop Fun Fark.com's latest photoshop competition asks readers to present Fox News' spin on major events in world history. Here's a good one:

This is the kind of value $4 million gets you nowadays. Whirlpool broadband's story explained the cost breakdown of Richard Alston's site: The $4 million cost to taxpayers included:

• $1.2 Million spent on website development
• $956,000 spent on hosting and support services
• $928,000 spent on software; and
• $661,000 spent on hardware.

That's a hell of a lot of money for a site that gets significantly fewer hits than Instapundit. Especially when a template of that quality could be found for free on one of numerous open-source web development sites. "I would have thrown in a Plasma TV for every member of the department in a $2 million dollar quote," said Reid Hall, an Australian web developer. Note: This is the guy who decides Australia's policy on the internet. God help us all.

Welcome Moon Landing Freaks! Scroll down or click here for my post on the Cutting Edge April Fool's joke.

Now With Extra Gelatine! Conservative Ice Cream! A fine alternative to the Cherry Guevara

Tony the Teacher is a great man.

I'll Get Him Next Time Drew Curtis keeps pipping me at the post in the hit count. 1 Million Hits on April Fools day.

Drastically Deluded Dept. Now that Uday seems to have been "Decapitated", the question is: Who will replace him as Iraq sports minister in the post-war administration? Now, I can't claim to know the selection criteria for the job, but based on my knowledge of Uday, I'd have to assume that "Crazy as a loon" would be one of the key qualifications. With that in mind, I'd like to present my candidate, Greg Matthews.

Former Australian representative and NSW captain Greg Matthews believes at the age of 43 that he is still good enough to play first-class cricket, and rates himself the second-best spinner in NSW heading into this weekend's Sydney grade final.

No doubt his first act as Iraq sports minister would be to request that all players remove their headgear.

Ghurkas on Patrol Ghurka soldiers patrol in Iraq. (pic stolen from News Corp) When the British were out colonising Asia, they kept running into these guys. Not only did they hand the British their ass in a paper bag, they did it in such a brave and noble fashion it brought the British generals to tears. Since the 1800's Ghurkas have fought alongside British and Australian troops. From Gallipoli to East Timor: Ghurkas. If you aren't familiar with the history of the Ghurka fighters, it would be in your best interests to read the history of the Brigade of Ghurkas. 30,000 Nepalese apply to be Ghurkas each year, of which about 200 are accepted. When human beings eventually invent the Lightsaber, it will be the Ghurkas who wield them. Thats how fucking cool Ghurkas are. The only real warrior caste that can lay claim to the coolness of the Ghurka is the Ninja, which is explained by Robert. Unlike Ninjas, however, Ghurkas are still around and still fighting, which gives them the edge over the Ninja. Debates over whether the name "Ninja" or "Ghurka" is cooler will be restricted to the comments box. "Hi there!"

Unfortunately, I missed the 7:30 report on ozbloggers. John Quiggin's comments seem to be out of control due to it. Gareth not only had his site go down, but his comments are non-functioning, so I'm not sure if he benifitted much at all. On the plus side, I think I saw Rob and Carita leaving the courthouse on the TV just then. Would have been much cooler if he didn't though, eh?

Brian Lara, is that you?

April Fool! SBS Tonight featured an episode of the Cutting Edge which was seemingly a paranoid investigation of the role the CIA played in recruiting Stanley Kubrik to fake the moon landing. Donald Rumsfield, Henry Kissinger, Buzz Aldrin and many other high profile figures were featured in the documentary, along with a few lesser known "CIA officials". The traditional photographic debunking of the moon photos was present, along with a conspiracy theory involving Kubrik and Rumsfeld. Now to those who take an interest in conspiracy theories, this is hardly new. Freaks have been claiming the moon landing was faked for decades. What made this one unique was seeing Rumsfeld and Kissinger apparently detailing their own involvements (without naming any names). At first I thought that the producers had just cut and pasted speeches from the big names around the main narrative, but then it just got more ridiculous. The documentary claimed that the US sent 100,000 troops into South East Asia to hunt down the actors that starrred in the fake film. The troops failed in their mission, but the actors were later "disappeared" by the CIA. Just as I was wondering how SBS could screen such a load of drivel, the documentary ended. During the credits, Jackie Chan-style outtakes of Rumsfeld and Kissinger giggling like little girls at the scripts they were reading from, along with the actors who played the lesser parts fluffing their lines, lifted the ruse. SBS 1 - Yobbo 0. Unfortunately the equaliser isn't likely to come any time soon, since I can only SBS clearly 1 night in 7 where I live, so I don't bother tuning in much. In other April Fools hi-jinks,. I received the following E-mail from an unnamed blogger. Subject: Leftists Condemn Fascist Saddam Hussein! Message Body: April Fool!

The Last Legitimate Bigotry

Asian female drivers would face restrictions under a radical proposal to prevent people dying on WA roads. Research by the University of WA's Injury Prevention Centre shows a restriction on driving by asian female drivers could save between 15 and 31 lives or serious injuries a year.

Does this sound bigoted to you? That's because it is. Of course it's made up, because only a white supremist,misogynist, Wilson Tuckey worshipping right-wing fanatic like me would ever purport rubbish like this. Of course, if it is young people that you are discriminating against, it's completely different.

P-PLATE drivers would face a night curfew under a radical proposal to prevent young people dying on WA roads. Research by the University of WA's Injury Prevention Centre shows a restriction on night driving by P-plate drivers could save between 15 and 31 lives or serious injuries a year.

First off, not all probationary drivers are young, but the vast majority of them are. This is no different than banning people who speak Arabic as their first language from immigrating to Australia. Of course, not all Arabic speakers are actual Arabs, but you get the idea. The whole concept of probationary licences is one of the biggest shams ever constructed. Back in my day, the only real restrictions were a maximum speed of 80km/h on any road, and a lower BAC limit of 0.02% instead of 0.05. If anyone has ever been overtaken by a fucking road train on Albany Highway because you can't legally drive faster than 80km/h, then you would realise, as I do, how stupid and counterproductive these limits are. A lower maximum speed on long-haul trips also contributes significantly to driver fatigue - something much more dangerous than either speed or alcohol. P-plate fdriving restrictions turn a 3 hour trip into a 4 hour trip, and is probably more mentally draining due to being overtaken 250 times. At least I only had to be a member of the driving underclass for 1 year. It is my understanding that the new crop have to endure it for 2 years. Of course the argument can be made that many P-Platers aren't very experienced drivers and are more likely to be involved in an accident after dark. The article quotes:

30 per cent of probationary drivers' fatal accidents occurred at night, compared to 21 per cent for adult drivers.

This reminds me of my favourite road statistic: "x% of crashes occur within 5kms of home!". Well duh. It makes sense that if home is where every driving expedition starts and ends, the vast majority of your driving will occur in a certain range of your house. Likewise, young drivers are much more likely to drive between the hours of 10pm-6am.

• Less people under 20 have jobs that would preclude them from driving around at 3am.
• Young people socialise after hours a lot more than the married with kids set do
• Young people frequent places that are open until 3am more than the general population does.

What this really comes down to, is that being a probationary driver doesn't mean you are a bad driver. If you score perfectly in both the written and practical parts of the driving examination, you are still given a probationary licence!. If Michael Schumaker retired and emigrated to WA, he would be required to hold a probationary licence for 2 years, unable to legally exceed 80km/h. These sort of ridiculous generalisations are a fundamental problem with road safety think-tanks. More deaths occur on country roads than city roads, leading to the belief that country people don't drive as well due to the lack of "qualified" driver trainers. Don't worry about the fact that most country kids have been driving for 10 years before they get a licence. Hell, some of my best friends were driving articulated machinery before most city kids had learned long division. The reason for road deaths in the country is simple - the roads are terrible, poorly maintained, mostly single carriageway. Road trains compete with holidaymakers and commuters on strips where you are required to compete with oncoming traffic to overtake. I personally knew 4 people who have been killed in head-on collisions with trucks on country roads. Each of them would still be alive today if Albany Highway was a dual carriageway. So to the do-gooders at UWA I'd like to say - Fuck You. I'll propose a challenge: A 17 year old country P-Plate driver of my choosing, against one of you enlightened beings. Obstacle cource provided by the RAC. Loser gets 10 years driving probation, doubling of their car insurance premiums, and a night curfew Any takers email me here. If you want to restrict bad drivers - here's an idea. Identify them. The Yobbo Centre for Traffic Study Recommends: Everyone has to re-take their licence test and will be graded empirically. Top 10% of drivers get no restrictions on speed, German style. Next 30% get standard road rules afforded to them. The bottom 10% are banned altogether and sent back to driver retraining, and the remainder are your probationary drivers. Happy Now? Of course not. Merit based system - bad. Discrimination - good!

Pete is visibly upset at the poor treatment "Revolting" Rob Corr got from the police here in Perth.

I'm sure this is purely coincidental.

U.S. Marines searching Iraqi military headquarters in this southern city that was the site of intensive fighting came across a mural depicting a plane crashing into a building complex resembling New York's twin towers, a news agency photograph showed Wednesday.

Music Update Continued Johnny Cash and Johnny Horton I feel better now.

Leftist Music Update Everclear have a new song called "Volvo Driving Soccer Mom" playing now. The basic premise of the song seems to be that if you vote republican, you were probably the town bike at school, and fucked the whole football team before and after each game. Not that there's anything wrong with that, as Jerry would say. Here's an excerpt: You know I used to be a bad girl I got busy in the bathroom at my high school prom Yeah I used to be a dancer at the local strip club But now I know my right wing from my wrong Full lyrics here! (warning, it doesn't get any more intelligent)

We just got the Foxtel on here, in time for footy season, but when I'm sitting on the PC blogging, it's channel V that sees the most action. It shouldn't come as any surprise to anyone that has drawn breath in the last 40 years that a lot of musicians are lefties. Most of them as far as I can tell. The actual extent of it is unbelievable though. An interview with the lead singer of "The Whitlams" (Get it!?), Tim Friedman on one of the magazine shows goes a little something like this: Interviewer: So Tim what sort of things do you like to do apart from sing? Friedman: Oh, you know, get drunk and stuff, normal things. Interviewer: Ok, and what are some things you *don't* like? Friedman: Basically, anyone who votes for the Coalition! That really pisses me off, yeah! I mean, its just so obvious to me that you shouldn't vote for them, but all these idiots still do! UNBELIEVABLE! And so it goes. No doubt they are one of Chairman Corr's favourite bands. After I'd got out of that system and decided to actually *watch* some music videos for a while, I was treated to quite a sight... There's a newish band called "System of a Down" going around, for the benefit of my older readers. Their musical style could best be described as "Metal" and they like to dress up as demons and such in their videos. Make of that what you will, but their latest video is a bit different. System of a Down have recorded a new single called simply "Boom". The video consists of staged anti-war protests singing the words of the song, along with a few anti-bush cartoons. Scrolling CNN-style across the bottom of the screen are video bites about all the evil things America has done since like, ever, man. The Video's Director? Everyone's favourite fat moron, Michael Moore. Let's just hope that he doesn't get some kind of MTV music award for it. I can't sit through another rant like that without throwing a brick at my TV. Oh, and channel V has changed their logo to a 2 finger "peace" salute for the duration of the war. How Cute! For those who don't watch a lot of MTV, you can see the streaming internet version of the film clip here. My favourite "peace" sign so far? "DRAFT JENNA". Pure genius. Update: Jesus, even as I type this, it's on again!

I've read comic books whose villains were more grounded and rational than that utter lunatic Kim Jong-Il

ALL triplets in North Korea are being forcibly removed from parents after their birth and dumped in bleak orphanages. The policy is carried out on the orders of Stalinist dictator Kim Jong-il, who has an irrational belief that a triplet could one day topple his regime. The number three is thought to be auspicious in North Korea and triplets are revered. It is believed they are likely to rise to positions of power, which accounts for Kim's insistence that they are all raised in state-run orphanages, where their development can be controlled.

Hell, at least Magneto wanted to bestow the human race with superhuman mutant powers! All Kim has to offer is large posters of himself and grass for dinner. I'll pass.

In Soviet Russia, teenage lesbians want group sex with YOU!

Gareth is back online, but as yet no explanation of what used up all his bandwidth. Instead, we get a not too surprising account of the far-left bias of lecturers at our unnamed University.

Woolcock, it's not just for Kiwis! Ok, I'm not going to blog today, because I blogged lots yesterday, and it was late, so because of the time differences you probably havent read it yet, so there. If by some chance you already have read yesterdays dribble, then I suggest you head on over to Supermarket Boy, who continues to reveal the insightful essays from his youth. A highlight:

To Jacques Chirac, You are a mass-murdering assasin who only continues testing so you can sell Bombs to the Arabs. You are the scum of the earth and should be executed by a war crimes firing squad.

I'm hoping that Adam rediscovers his inner child and lets him start a blog of his very own.

Useful Donkeys A friend of mine who reads this site posed me the following question:

Are you for voluntary voting? Compulsory voting is one of the great things about Australia

My answer was along the lines of "I don't really have an opinion of it one way or the other". It's something I've never seriously given much thought to, since I would vote whether it was compulsory or not. Having no opinion sucks though, because opinions are fun, and the stronger the better! The only thing I could think of is that compulsory voting is just another thing that the goverment forces us to do, so from a civil rights point of view it's a mild annoyance, but hardly oppressive. I do have a friend who has been absolved of his voting responsibilites - a result of delivering a profanity filled tirade to a government official after receiving a fine for not voting. Apart from him, however, I don't hear a lot of discussion about the topic. Is this because everyone loves compulsory voting, or does nobody care? This is your chance to indoctrinate me, loyal readers! Comment in the box below on the merits or failings of compulsory voting - best argument gets my vote, compulsory or not. Is the Australian system of forcing people to vote a good thing, or should we be like America, and just let people decide for themselves if voting is worth their time and effort. Please give at least one reason for your view - that's all I ask!

War in Iraq leading to Increase in Dumb Search Requests Brett Lee doesn't have a girlfriend. If you are an attractive young woman looking for casual sex, I am also a young fast bowler of considerable talent. Thank you for reading my blog. Update: Rob Corr groupies of the world - Unite! Unfortunately for you unwashed ferals, Rob does have a girlfriend. Upupdate: Bloody oath we are mate!

"Peace" Protests getting less peaceful every day Gareth has the details on the latest "free speech" in Perth. Protestors voiced their opinions on police horses by throwing bottles at them, tried to storm the US consulate again, etc etc. Fuckwits. Update: Shucks, we were upstaged again, this time by Paris.

Confessions of a Youth Activist Adam Woolcock is posting a series of essays he wrote as a young lad. Here's an excerpt:

I also dont think we should be in Rwanada or Bosnia because they are not our wars and if Aborigines started having wars with us I wouldn't want the Royal Nicaraguan Peacekeeping force helping us. I did not celebrate Anzac because I am against war and think politicians who sent people to die in Nam should beheaded.

What happened to the radical young man who penned the above? This: Just goes to show that there is still hope for the multitude of young, impressionable minds currently protesting every second day around the nation.

Stew Kelly seems to think that the Coalition forces might use WMD in retaliation if Saddam does. Earth to Stu, the fact that Saddam might use WMD has never been a secret. If the coalition was planning on using WMDs, Baghdad would be glowing in the dark as we speak. We aren't planning on using them, and are taking every precaution to minimise civilian casualities. If we weren't, Baghdad would already have been captured.

Apologies for not blogging since last week. I don't have a good excuse, except to say that I've been spending way too much time away from the PC. Normal blogging should resume next week.

Dummy Spit of the Week Im scooping Gummo here, but I'm sure he'll forgive me :-) Tim Dunlop is taking his bat + ball, and going home.

Hey Anti-American Protestors! I suggest you read this before bleating about how the fascist Bush administration is "crushing dissent". Especially these morons.

Protests around the nation tonight, although no mention of the ones in Perth. 12 idiots were arrested in the CBD after blocking St Georges Terrace. (For those who don't live in Perth, this is the main thoroughfare for cars entering and leaving the city. i.e. People trying to go home after work). TV news showed them refusing to disperse after ignoring two police warnings to get off the road. It seems that they were outdone though, by the efforts of the Sydney group:

And in Sydney police had to restrain an apparently misguided group who mobbed NSW Premier Bob Carr's government vehicle, pelting it with paint and eggs. The protesters swarmed around Mr Carr's vehicle on the corner of Phillip and Bent Streets, shouting at the Premier to oppose the war. Orange paint and two eggs were thrown over the white government car as some protesters struck the vehicle with their placards. Demonstrators shouted "shame Carr, shame" and appeared to be asking the Premier to join the protest. Mr Carr, who has repeatedly voiced his opposition to Australia's involvement in the war, remained stony-faced behind the vehicle's tinted windows.

(emphasis mine) It's articles like these that remind me that in many cases, it's the PROTEST that's important, not the cause. A large number of particpants have no idea what their feelings are. For them, the protests are just a rite of passage, or an excuse to do something illegal when the consequences are likely to be minimal.

Stew says:

Now I'd noticed that myself, righties often don't have comments facilities, which seems to imply a communal gutlessness.

Now calling a "rightie" gutless is nothing new, but I can't really see where the criticism comes from. To me, the primary reason for not having comments that most people put forward is that it's just "too bloody hard". This view seems to be supported by the fact that most "Movable Type" bloggers, right or left, have comments enabled. Presumably it's a lot easier to institute comments with movable type. Tim Blair doesn't have comments, and I'm guessing he's the "gutless rightie" Stew is talking about. He also has a shitload of readers, so that could play a part. Most busier sites run Movable Type, but Tim is still using generic blogger templates, which are probably a lot trickIer to find a decent comments system for. It may be true that more lefty sites contain comments, but mainly because more lefties run movable type. Obviously, this is because they are all artsy-fartsy snobs studying "Movable Type Studies" at university, and have free hosting provided by the World Workers Party. That's my story and I'm sticking to it. In all honesty, comments are the favourite part of my site. I enjoy reading them even if you are taking the piss out of me, and if anything I don't get enough.

The war has started. If you don't have a TV, you can stay updated here.

Tony blogs on the "Gilchrist Dismissal" last night and comes to the conclusion that he walked "by mistake" and not in some attempt to usher in a new era of good sportsmanship. I don't think Gilly walked by mistake, however. He seemed to be paying full attention to the umpire, and only walked after it was clear he wasn't going to be given out. I can't claim to know Adam personally or even have ever met him, but I think I understand the motivation behind his walking last night. Gilly wants to win the world cup really badly, but not because he wants "the cup'. He wants to win because Australia are the best team in world cricket, and walking when he knows he's out in a crucial game is a way of proving that. Gilly also has a huge amount of confidence in his team. You don't walk if you are the last hope, but as an opener in a lineup like ours, its a moral privilege you can afford. When it comes to walking as a batsman in cricket, there are 3 schools of thought. 1. I will walk when I'm out, as that is the noble thing to do. It's a game, and I don't want to win dishonestly, that would be a hollow victory. 2. I won't walk, because you get as many bad decisions as you get good ones, and it balances out in the end. 3. I won't walk, because I want to win at any cost. In practice it's pretty hard to tell between justification #2 and #3, but that is the most common philosophy at most grades of cricket. In the days before Packer, #1 was the more common thinking, and back in the days of Bradman, was the only way. A very good case was made for #2 last night, when Michael Bevan was given out first ball, caught behind. He didn't make contact but was nevertheless out. That decision could easily have cost as the game in the same way that Gilchrist not walking could have won it for us. I don't think Gilchrist is trying to set any kind of example for his teammates or opponents. In the end I think he walked for his own benefit. He sees a world cup victory where he walked when out as a more comprehensive one than if he didn't, and good on him. I'm not sure John Buchanan would take the same view, though. ** As an aside, every time I watch Gilly I think of the Stephen Curry character Eddie from the "Changi" mini-series. Maybe I'm just crazy.

The second Gulf War could be starting any time now, but the new Perth war has already begun. Military Chief Parker declared war at 3pm today on the socialist guerillas led by Commandant Corr in retaliation for their violation of the "Cassandra Protocol". Citizens of Perth are preparing water-bomb shelters and breaking out the egg-proof suits in expectation of a lengthy campaign.

All sorts of rumours at the AFL Blog. If this is true, well.....lets just hope it isn't eh?

JJJ: The Left's Worst Enemy? Caz over at spinstartshere admits to being a fan of 80s hair rock in this post. Toto were just a little before my time, my early high school years were dominated more by the rock stylings of Axl Rose, and later the grunge of Kurt Cobain and Eddie Vedder. I didn't pick this stuff up from the radio, however. In some dark corners of Western Australia, AM radio is still the only option, and back in high school we had a choice of either Radio National, or a single regional commercial AM station that played hits from the 60s and 70s the vast majority of the time. For angry teenagers like me, ABC's "Rage" was the only source of music recorded after 1985, and we lived in constant envy of the "city kids" who got a choice of the major stereo networks, which no doubt played nothing except Gunners and U2 all day long. For me and my culturally-impaired buddies at boarding school, unusually clear nights provided an infrequent exposure to a new world. In something reminiscent of Ivan Denisovic wiping the edge of his bowl with a piece of bread, we listened in for the faint signal of JJJ beaming from 300 kilometres away onto the "useless" FM band. Near riots erupted in the dormitories when Denis Leary's "Asshole" was played at full volume, and Zac De La Rocha encouraged us to inform the masters: "FUCK YOU I WON'T DO WHAT YOU TELL ME". These songs, censored on Rage, were only available on JJJ. So obviously it was a great boon for us newly urbanised kiddies to have the opportunity to listen to JJJ all day, every day during the first years of university. I had the full collection of Hottest 100 cds, available exclusively at the ABC shop at that time. Apart from the music, though, JJJ offered something equally foreign to a country boy: Left-Wing punditry. 6am-9am, and 3pm-6pm was filled with previously unknown names such as McDermott, Robbins, Tom and many more, who have since crossed into the mainstream media. The anti-authoritarian dogma of the "uni-left" sat pretty well with a bloke who just endured 5 years of boarding school, and for a time, they were my heroes. Then, something truly awful happened... The great drive-time duo of Martin+Molloy were poached by a commercial station, and replaced on JJJ by Helen Razer and Judith Lucy. What was once a slightly political, but extremely funny segment was instantly transformed into a daily 3 hour polemic about Socialism, Environmentalism, Tampons, and the Evil of Men. No matter how hard I tried to enjoy JJJ from that point on, I couldn't deal with the awful rhetoric of Razer and Lucy. It was made abundantly clear that men, farmers, liberal voters, businesspeople and capitalism were evil. To listen to JJJ meant that you were required to embrace the green-left cause, or suffer vilification during any break in music. I didn't know any better in high school. I watched the ABC and accepted it as truth. I listened to teachers lecture on the evils of white men, and felt guilty. I thought it was normal, and never really felt I was being indoctrinated. JJJ changed that. I realised that the rubbish that Razer and Lucy were forcing on listeners like me was, in fact, rubbish. In effect, I was awakened politically by an attempt by the publically owned broadcaster to indoctrinate me and my peers. It probably would have worked if they didn't go overboard, but, just like the hard left and green factions in Universities today, they couldn't help themselves. There is no middle ground for the student leftists in Australia. The irony is that because of the leftist propoganda proferred by youth activists around the nation, that people like me became interested in politics. Much to their chagrin, I would guess, many of us choose to reject their message and find the one that really reflected our own values. Names like Reagan and Thatcher, who previously only existed in subconcious memories from childhood, are now a very real influence on my own political views. The left told me that right-wingers were racist, homophobic, evil people intent on destroying the environment and killing compassion. Razer tried to make me believe that as a young, white, patriotic Australian, I was a dolphin killing date-rapist waiting to blossom. I didn't believe it then and never will. I don't listen to JJJ any more. Maybe it's my inherent right-wing racism, but I can't bring myself to enjoy the increasing prevalence of R+B and Hip-Hop on there nowadays. On the other hand, maybe I'm just getting old. If anyone still listens perhaps they can let me in on the status of the politics of the station nowadays. In the meantime, I'll stick to Nova.

Human Shield Fails To Stop Bulldozer An early nomination for the Darwin awards:

A young American woman was killed today in Gaza, when she jumped in front of an Israeli armored bulldozer as it was destroying a terrorist’s house

So far no news yet on the condition of the bulldozer. I hope it's ok.

2-4-6-8 Free Markets are Really Great! Counterprotest.net is a site devoted to providing an alternative point of view at actions organised by the usual suspects around the world. While the effects of their efforts may be small, you have to love their mission. Unfortunately it seems they are devoted to peaceful dissension, so my proposal for throwing eggs at hippies will probably not make it onto the board. Oh well.

Viva le Photoshoppe! Jacques Chirac gets photoshopped into near-oblivion on Fark today.

Stupid Quiz Update No big surprises here I guess...
Libertarian - You believe that the main use for
government is for some people to lord it over
others at their expense. You maintain that the
government should be as small as possible, and
that civil liberties, "victimless
crimes", and gun ownership should be basic
rights. You probably are OK with capitalism.
Your historical role model is Thomas Jefferson.

Which political sterotype are you?
brought to you by Quizilla In a display of respect for like-minded people, I chose to plagiarise the "look and feel" of the title of this post from my 2nd favourite Libertarian.

American readers who still can't figure out where Brett Lee fits into the war effort will be happy to know that Cricket season will soon be over. The best thing about the end of cricket season is that it is the start of footy season, and with that in mind, let me introduce the AFL blog, from the Wickstein press.

Google Search Of The Day Brett Lee Girlfriend Chris Cairns getting old, Kiwis?

Ron Jeremy Update It's been a busy month for Ron Jeremy. Not only has he been cast for roles as Mike Moore and Khalid Shaikh Mohammed, but he turns 50 today! Happy Birthday Hedgehog! Update: Poker delinquent Dane Coltman turns 21 today as well! Good luck in vegas.

Happy Birthday Fellas
Ron	Dane

This Is The End. Left-Wing Op-Ed columnists resorting to spam to plug their rubbish? You saw it here first.

FROM:Adams Phillip Dear friend, You may be surprised to receive this letter from me since you do not know me personally. I am Adams Phillip, the first son of Adams Okoro, the most popular black farmer in Zimbabwe who was murdered in the land dispute in my country. I got your contact through network online hence decided to write you. blah blah blah blah

Anyone else get this one?

I have a new reader and his name is harm. That makes 6 of you now.

All visitors to this page may now take the opportunity to vicariously bask in my glory. First elimination final this weekend. Go Sharks!

Quote of the Day "Each American embassy comes with two permanent features - A giant anti-American demonstration and a giant line for American visas" - P. J. O'Rourke

AMERICA, WAKE UP! Look, I think it's about time you just got with the program and called them Chips. Also you can start calling "french kissing" "pashing" and "flip flops" "thongs" (and "thongs" "G-Strings"). You weirdos.

As most patriotic Ozblogistanis are well aware, Ozblogistan is home to a vibrant community of Tims. Whilst some Tims have found that Ozblogistan is not for them, there always many more Tims willing to take their place. Say hello to our newest Timani arrival: Tim.

There is a difference between "vandalism" and "free speech", as some people have yet to learn.

LA HABRA -- Antiwar protesters burned and ripped up flags, flowers and patriotic signs at a Sept. 11 memorial that residents erected on a fence along Whittier Boulevard days after the terrorist attacks in 2001 and have maintained ever since.

I don't see how this is so hard to work out. If you burn a flag YOU OWN, that's "free speech". If you burn a flag belonging to SOMEONE ELSE against their wishes, that's vandalism and worse.

Professor Tim challenged:

YOUR ASSIGNMENT for today: propose a more appropriate collective noun than clutch.

Oscar winner Jessica Lange was among a clutch of Hollywood stars today who helped deliver an anti-war petition - signed by more than 1 million people - to the US mission to the United Nations.

Here are my suggestions: A sect of hollywood stars. An appeasery of hollywood stars An hypocritacy of hollywood stars Assignment complete. THANK YOU SIR MAY I HAVE ANOTHER?

A few bold predictions for the year of the anchor coming AFL season. 1. Nathan Buckley will get a lot of the ball. 2. Coaches will break with tradition and attempt to "take it one game at a time" 3. Brisbane will probably go alright 4. A commentator will make note of an Aboriginal player's "silky skills" 5. Mick Malthouse will speak in a pretentious and obscure manner. 6. Ben Cousins and Michael Gardiner will come out of the closet. 7. At least one Freo player will handball to the opposition in the defensive goal square. And my top 8 order for this year: Brisbane Adelaide Collingwood Melbourne Fremantle Essendon Port Adelaide St Kilda Moving Up: Adelaide, Melbourne, Fremantle, St. Kilda Moving Out: West Coast, Geelong, Hawthorn, Port Adelaide. Wooden Spoon: West Coast (nyuk nyuk)

Adam has been involved in a few nasty cricket games in his time too, it seems. All I can say is, when you get headbutted, come talk to Yobbo.

Bich, Bevo and Bing save Australia from a fate worse than death (again). Adam Woolcock probably has some whine about how Lee always gets to bowl at tailenders, or something.

An interesting story about the very real ways genetic engineering is improving people's lives from the West. A couple are having a second child, genetically screened in the IVF process, to save the life of their first child.

The Gallop government is pandering to the Greens at the expense of farmers.

PUBLIC NOTICE Proposed dates and times for testing of new egg ordnance can be found here.

In a shocking unsurprising new development, it turns out the guy kicked out of a mall in the US was not just innocently wearing a T-Shirt, but stopping and harassing shoppers in order to let them know exactly why they were wearing the shirts. The Smoking Gun has the details.

"Things My Girlfriend and I Have Argued About" doesn't need any further explanation, but here's a teaser most of us can relate to:

Margret doesn't like to watch films on the TV. No, hold on - let me make sure you've got the inflection here: Margret doesn't like to watch films on the TV. She says she does, but years of bitter experience have proven that what she actually wants is to sit by me while I narrate the entire bleeding film to her. 'Who's she?', 'Why did he get shot?', 'I thought that one was on their side?', 'Is that a bomb' - 'JUST WATCH IT! IN THE NAME OF GOD, JUST WATCH IT!'

The hellish mirror-image of this is when she furnishes me, deaf to my pleading, with her commentary. Chair-clawing suspense being assaulted mercilessly from behind by such interjections as, 'Hey! Look! They're the cushions we've got.', 'Isn't she the one who does that tampon advert?' and, on one famous occasion, 'Oh, I've seen this - he gets killed at the end.'

Michael Jennings has some good news for Henry Olonga. Bernard Slattery has a great picture on his site.

Adam Woolcock is a card-carrying member of the "I hate Brett Lee" club, which is growing in numbers by the day. Adam quotes (from somewhere):

"Lee improved enormously at the end of the VB Series, but appears to again confuse pace with ability. Jason Gillespie was arguably Australia's best bowler at the World Cup before he broke down (continuing his convincing Bruce Reid impersonation); Andy Bichel has taken the third-best one-day figures; and Glenn McGrath is Glenn McGrath. Even Brad Hogg and Darren Lehmann are more valuable, and less expensive than Lee."

It's no secret that Lee has been expensive of late. It is also worth noting that last night, he ripped through the Sri Lankan top order, and put Sanath Jayasuriya - the man most likely to deprive Australia of the Cup - out of action for the entire game. The value of Brett Lee is not simply a function of his average, strike rate or economy rate. Lee's value is that he provides something that Australia's 10 or so other world-class pace bowlers do not. While bowlers like Bichel, Bracken, Noffke etc are very good, and probably have better domestic figures than Lee, the fact is that what they represent is simply "more of the same". They are interchangeable, formulaic trundlers. They want to be McGrath or Gillespie, but they aren't quite as good as them. They are all great bowlers in their own right, but what they bring to the match is something that we already have in spades. Lee, on the other hand, brings something entirely different. Many quality batsmen who have no problem taking to the likes of McGrath or Gillespie, find themselves found out by extreme pace and bounce as provided by Lee. This is quite evident from last night's Jayasuriya incident. Jayasuriya's tournament could easily have been over last night, and from the way he was playing Lee, he wouldn't have lasted long at the crease even if he wasn't hit by a short ball. Lee's prescence in the team is an insurance against our nightmare scenario - A batsman comes out and refuses to be tied down by McGrath. He wants to be cheeky and hit Glenn for boundaries? Fine, lets see how he likes 100 mph thunderbolts into his chest. If that doesn't unsettle him (and it usually does), then its time for damage control and/or spin. Really what it comes down to is team balance. Lee probably isn't Australia's 3rd best fast bowler. What he is though, is our best bowler of out-and-out pace. Admittedly, at this point in time, Plan B is rarely required. Few teams bat well against our top line bowlers. What Lee gives us is access to Plan B if we need it, and that is a good thing. Picking Lee on the basis of the way he bowls is akin to making sure you have a spinner in the side. The spinner may not be empirically the 4th best bowler in Australia - but few would disagree that going into the game without a quality spinner is a mistake. It is also worth noting, that with Shane Watson injured, Brett Lee is the youngest member of the Australian team. The majority of the team is in the late 20 - early 30 age group. In 5 years time, it is likely he will be the only remaining member - and our premier fast bowler. Giving him exposure now, at the expense of Bichel, is probably going to be a good thing for the long term prospects of the team. Plus he is sooo cute!

Around The Traps

South Park Republicans (Thanks to John Ray) Scott Wickstein on problems in South African cricket. Anti-War activists plan to go to phase 2 when the war starts: Bringing down Capitalism. Na na na na, na na na na, hey hey hey, Goodbye!

When I was 20 I had a particularly bad month. I became too old to pull in a youth wage at my retail job, and was replaced by a 16 year old. Not long after that, my cousin, trying to get to work, moved my car onto the verge to get his out of the garage. Unfortunately for me, he thought he was still in Dumbleyung and left the keys in the ignition, and my car was stolen when I got home. I did get my car back, but everything in it (Including a $1000 stereo system, some sporting equipment etc) was gone. Luckily I was insured and got a cheque for $2500 odd. Not really knowing what to do with myself, I took my insurance and bought a round-the-world plane ticket. First stop: USA. The biggest culture shock I got when reaching the US was that, despite being of pub-going age in Australia, I was deemed too young (for 3 weeks, anyway) to drink at American bars. The legal drinking age is 21 there. It seems strange to me that Americans are able to vote at the age of 18, drive at 16, yet can't drink until age 21. Besides the hypocrisy that deems people responsible enough to vote but not drink, it seems strange that this situation is continuing, in a country with democratic elections. It makes sense to have a legal drinking age of 18. After all, those under 18 cannot vote, so they can't do a hell of a lot about it. I can only imagine the extremely short political campaign of a party who tried to up the drinking age in Australia. Why don't 18-21 year olds in America vote the drinking regulations out? I can think of a few possible reasons, but I don't know which is most correct. 1. Voting in the US, unlike Australia, is voluntary. The major parties might assume (perhaps correctly) that the numbers of young people who actually vote is low enough to not bother with. Along the same lines, even if they all did vote, the combined numbers of young people voting for the change would be less than the old people voting against letting hooligans drink. 2. The Christian lobbyist groups are too powerful to let such a change even be discussed, and would likely smear such a proposal along the same lines as legalisation of Marijuana. 3. American kids don't really like drinking as much as we Australians do. I know from my own experiences that the "pub culture" we have here isn't really the same over there. There's even a movement called "straight edge" in the US, where it's considered cool to abstain from all drugs, legal or otherwise. Those crazy kids! Perhaps one of my American readers (I have at least 2 of them!) could clue me up on this phenomena. As far as I know the US is the only country that has a drinking age higher than the voting age.

For The Love of God, Won't Somebody Think of the Children?!?! The current government has routinely demonstrated a poor understanding of the Internet, leading to the ridiculous Internet censorship legislation that we have today. In general terms, it isn't legal for an Australian Web Hosting company, or ISP, to host material classified as restricted to adults (or stuff that is refused classification, like violent porn). If a complaint is made against them, they are required to remove the offending material if a complaint is made to the ABA. Of course, this legislation has about as much effect as would vestigal mammary glands on a male Jersey. Contrary to what government think-tanks may believe, very little of "teh internet" is hosted on servers located in Australia. Furthermore, the nature of the internet is such that it isn't all that difficult to access servers located outside of Australia. This shouldn't come as much of a suprise to those of you who aren't dribbling morons. The problem now is that strangely enough, these laws haven't stopped kids looking at porn. Well, bugger me with a pitchfork, I'm fucking shocked! These revelations have been met with a massive outcry by parents, teachers and students alike, who took to the streets and protested about the way porn is ruining our way of life. Oh wait, no they didn't. Nobody bloody cares if kids at look at porn! Kids have been looking at porn for a long, long, time before the internet was invented. I have it on very good authority that Ancient Roman soldiers raped many women, some even violently. This despite Gutenburg not inventing the printing press until 1445, and the World Wide Web not coming into fashion until the mid-late 1990's! God only knows where they found the inspiration to commit all the horrible crimes against women that pornography causes nowadays. Apart from the fact that the internet isn't the only way to get porn, the fact is that it is impossible to filter out porn, even if ISP's were made to do so. You can search for porn on google with ease. The only way to effectively filter it is to filter ALL sites and domains, then, one by one, slowly approve the ones that don't contain porn. It's not gonna happen. The government may as well go ahead and ban the entire internet now, for the sake of the children.

Around The Traps

Michael Jennings on Buffy Tim Blair on the Phillipines terror attacks. Tony the Teacher gets in on the Photoshopping. Right Wing News with more future roles for Ron Jeremy. Yippie-ki-yay, Motherfucker!

Over the weekend, a certain well-known fast bowler, who has been out of favour with the selectors, made a triumphant return to the big time, taking 7 wickets in his comeback match. In other news, apparently Andy Bichel had a good game too. If I was Brett Lee, (Which I'm not, to interested stalkers) I'd be pretty nervous right now. If Gillespie is fit for the next match, you would have to assume that Lee will be left out for Bichel. Up until now, he hasn't made much impact. I should know, because he's in my fantasy team :-( Bichel also put in a sterling effort with the bat, which will probably be a good tiebreaker for him if it comes to that. We would not have won the game on Sunday if it was Jason Gillespie coming in at #10. Bichel opens the batting at county level and has batted very well in previous tests that he has played in. Last night was the 2nd time he and Bevan have guided Australia home to a target that they shouldn't have reached. Nasser Hussain was bloody ordinary in this match, playing directly into Bevan's hands by refusing to bring the field in, even when Australia were 7 down for 130. He also can't bat. How is he even in the team, let alone captain? In order to help out the mother country, I have come up with a sure-fire method that will increase England's chances in the next world cup: England should declare war on Australia. Not only would they gain access to all of our cricketers, but it would significantly help Tony Blair's approval rating. If there's one thing the English love, It is beating Australia. If the only thing they can beat us at is "Battleship" then why not? At the very least, the sight of dead and dying Aussies should bring some much-needed cheer to their sports writers.

Blogspot may suppress this!

Ok, so Tim Blair said this:

PROFESSOR DAVE writes: Maybe it's just me, but isn't there a porn flick called "Blowing for Columbine" waiting to be made out there somewhere, and wouldn't it be great if some French idiot accidentally gave it an award? Ron Jeremy would be perfect for the lead role. Once he put on a few pounds, of course.

So I got to thinking.....I could do the poster! For more (considerably more skillful) photoshopping, check out Something Awful. I don't why you old people call us the "slacker" generation. This photoshopping business is hard work!

Hi again Father Christmas, it's Sam here. I know Christmas is a long way off this year, and in the past I have not been a very good boy, but I promise to be extra good this year if you get me one of these. Thank You! P.S. I would also like world peace, but get me the XVF first!

Friday is Orientation day (O-Day) at the wonderful University of Western Australia. O-day is famous for a grand tradition of persuading young, impressionable minds to join your cause and have a grand old time drinking publicly-subsidised beer. Even though I am no longer a student there, I am keen for hi-jinks. While I realise my post-cricket training inebriation may be affecting my judgement, I challenge you and you (and maybe you!) to turn up at "the Tav" in the afternoon for a hearty discussion of beer + uni life. For my part I promise not to indoctrinate anyone and you promise not to throw waterbombs at me, and it's a deal! UPDATE: Wusses :-(

James Russell wants everyone to reveal their faces, so I'll start off. Here's me standing in front of a Linear Gradient! (From my website wardy.com)

Since the earliest recorded history of mankind, trees have lorded their supreme ability to create oxygen over us like an executioner's axe. Capitalising on their power of man's life has been the agenda of trees throughout the millenia. Trees have insidiously crept up on our society, taking over buildings, parks, farmland and even houses of government. They have enlisted their own army of human slaves to fight the cause for them. Now in the new millenium, the miracles of man's science promise an end to the tyranny of trees:

SCIENTISTS are developing an artificial tree which can perform the function of living trees better than the real thing - and potentially reduce greenhouse gasses by millions of tonnes a year. Synthetic models which could sit in an office or trees the size of houses are being planned. One tree it is estimated, could remove 90,000 tonnes of carbon dioxide a year - equal to 15,000 cars' emissions.

Viva La Revolution!

Tim Dunlop doesn't like the Australian Flag, so I made use of my fearsome Photoshop skills to create a new one for him here. Update: Thanks to Tim Blair and Ken Parish, lots of people want a gander at the flag, so I'll repost it here to save you all that clicking :-) Flag for the modern Australian Left:

Gary Sauer-Thompson asks why Australia supports the proposed US actions in Iraq, because it isn't in our "national interest"

"So, from the point of view of Australia's national interest, we have no reason to attack Iraq. Crudely speaking , Iraq is not our business since Iraq's weapons can't reach us."

Many people would argue that regime change in the Middle East would result in a domino effect of destablising fundamentalist muslim nations (the breeding grounds of Islamic terrorism) and eventually result in more prosperous and peaceful Middle East. This obviously would be in the national interest of any country that desires peace. To get back to Gary's argument though:

"The only national interest reason that I can find for going to war with Iraq is to stay on side with the Americans. They have a treaty obligation to defend us in the unlikely event we are ever attacked."

Our role is to provide the moral (political) support for action, and the "action" is then provided by the US military. It is the very nature of Australia's reputation as a successful, peaceful, democratic western nation that provides the value of the alliance from the American point of view. It is unlikely they would get as much political clout out of support from Columbia, for instance. Gary wants to argue that this isn't a good enough reason. We don't need America's protection, nobody would ever attack peace loving, happy Australia. Or perhaps the point is, we don't really need to fulfill our half of the bargain, since America would be compelled to help us anyway, should we ever be attacked. Renegging on our obligations would put us in the same boat as the "weasels" in France. All too happy to accept the mighty US as protector, while at the same time demonise them as the root of many of the world's problems for political gain. What Gary's argument (and that of the people who protested against the war last week) boils down to is this: America has to protect us anyway, because they are the world's only superpower. We don't have to support them in return, since any attack on Australia would be a major international incident and require immediate action from all like-thinking democratic countries. We would get what we need for free anyway, so why pay for it? John Howard isn't the only Australian left who prides himself on the image of Australians as those who "stick up for their mates". Honesty to the point of bluntness, and the concept of a "fair go" are the essence of our culture. Implicitly accepting the protection of the USA through the United Nations, while bemoaning their "aggression" is dishonest. It's not sticking up for our mates. It's not giving America a fair go. It's un-Australian

It's good to know that some people are still willing to protest against violent dictators.

Samizdata contributor Brian Micklethwait blogs what a lot of pro-war bloggers (myself included) can only hope is the real agenda of the Bush administration.

The purpose of taking out Saddam is not just to take out Saddam, but to wrench the whole balance of power in the Muslim world into a different state, a state far less helpful to Islamofascist (and other) terrorists.

Of course, this idea is hardly brand new, but this particular article sums up the moral position, and the "why Iraq" debate pretty well.

I wonder what HECS band this course will come under when it is inevitably approved. If your ideal career is practical rather than artistic, try this course instead.

Poor Steve *Ring Ring* *Ring Ring* "G'day Steve Here" "Hi Kettle, It's Pot Here, YOU ARE BLACK!" "Fuck off Tubby" *click* *ring ring* "Stone the bloody crows, if that's Taylor again....." "Hello Steve speaking...." "Gudday 'tugger' it's Heals here..." "OH FOR THE LOVE OF GOD" *click*

This new blog produced a few giggles.

Heave Ho! Everyone's favourite cocaine kiddies could be in for a torrid time in this Friday's Wizard Cup match. Keep an eye out for fellow Dumbleyung boy Ricky Mott who will hopefully get his first run in the purple jersey. I bet Jakovich won't go slapping that little black duck. Bonus Link: Vintage Gareth brought to you by Google!

All the way with Kofi A! Gareth Parker sums up Simon Crean's position on Iraq.

Warnakulasuriya Patabendige Ushantha Joseph Chaminda Vaas made history last night, and no, it wasn't for having the longest name in world cricket (which he does).

In an attempt to whitewash the Oz blogosphere with Cricket-related news, I welcome Michael Jennings to the Yobbo blogroll. Much apologies to Scott Wickstein as well, whose blog I read every day, but was too lazy to ever add it to the roll.

Alan Anderson poses the following question:

What is the official US position on Westerners going to Baghdad to act as human shields for the Hussein regime? "You might as well ask me why moths fly into porch lights," a State Department spokeswoman said when asked about a group of westerners, who arrived in Baghdad yesterday to act as human shields at civilian sites. Good idea. Why the hell do moths fly into porch lights?

When I want to find the answer to dumb questions like that, I ask Cecil Adams. He knows everything. In summary, moths circle lights because they are stupid and have narrow vision. The spokeman was more correct than he could ever have imagined.

I wonder what PETA would have to say about this: Trained seals in the US Navy. Update: More evidence of the imminent uprising of the animal kingdom against its human oppressors!

On the one hand we have Darren Lehmann, and on the other Rashid Latif... Lehmann: Called Sri Lankans "Black Cunts" Made his comment in frustration where he thought he was out of earshot of any player. Apologised Immediately to the entire team. Suspended for 5 matches. Latif: Called Adam Gilchrist a "White Cunt" Made his comment directly to Gilchrist while batting Has not apologised, but instead denied saying anything. Let off completely Is planning on suing Gilchrist for defamation. Now of course, I'm sure Gilchrist doesn't really care what Latif called him, and would normally let it slide, if not for the Darren Lehmann episode. I think what he was trying to prove, which everyone already pretty much knows, is that there are two standards here. It's perfectly ok to racially abuse white people!

The cricket World Cup has Tony T. all flustered, and he is blogging his arse off at the moment. This leaves me more time for other, non-cricket related projects, such as wasting time with Photoshop. Note: If you are hiring, please feel free to click on the link marked "resume"

If you picked Andy Flower in your fantasy team, now would be a good time to sub him out. It looks like worker's comrade Robert Mugabe is going to give him a well-deserved holiday.

"If you can't bowl, by all means throw" Enter your own World Cup fantasy team here... For a look at my competitors, try here and here. Batsmen Nick Knight (Eng) Herschelle Gibbs (RSA) Matthew Hayden (Aus) Brian Lara (WI) Keeper: Rahul Dravid (India) All-Rounders Sanath Jayasuriya (SRI) Sachin Tendulkar (India) Jacques Kallis (RSA) Chuckers Brett Lee (Aus) Muttiah Muralitharan (SRI) Shoaib Ahktar (Pak) My team includes 3 Chuckas, and at least 1 Muslim, Hindu, Buddhist and Christian. I was unable to find any Jewish players. For extra points identify the player carrying a sexually transmitted disease! Note: Andy Flower doesn't make the team due to missing at least 1, and probably 2 matches. Dravid gets in ahead of Gilchrist because I can only have 2 Aussies, and I predict Brett Lee to be the most successful bowler of the tournament, so I had to have him. Am I the only one who thinks listing Tendulkar and Jayasuriya as All-Rounders makes picking the team a little too easy? Update: Our League is now active! If you have a team and are not listed in the list, please email me your PIN. (Adam and Ben, yours are being processed now)

Gareth Parker fisks Saddam.

Herbophiles everywhere are rejoicing at the latest GM breakthrough in the USA.

Much as I would like to be blogging on the World Cup right now, I don't have a lot of time due to some web design work I am doing. Back Soon!

I know we have some problems with performance away from Subiaco, but I doubt this will help.

Former child star Wil Wheaton, famous for playing Ensign Wesley Crusher on Star Trek: The Next Generation, has a blog.

Apart from Star Trek, Wil also had major roles in "Stand by Me" and "Toy Soldiers"

Sadly, Wil seems to have been assimilated by the Borg, although I did learn something very interesting by following some links at his site:

This site is different from your average celebrity site. As a matter of fact, the only other "celebrity" sites I know of that were written and maintained by the people themselves are Asia Carrera and Roger Avary, so I'm in the company of an academy award winner and a pornstar, which is nice, I think.

Hmm, Asia Carrera eh? I took the bait, where I was mildly suprised to discover this:

Most Overpublicized Fact - Yes, I am a member of Mensa, the society for high I.Q. nerds

So there you have it, The King and Queen of Nerds. Honour them.

Bargarz has some good news for Carmen Lawrence. When Carmen is finally laughed out of Australian politics, there will be plenty of openings for scientists in Iraq.

Let's review this small example against the bigger picture... Iraq claims it has no WMD nor WMD programs. Iraq retains thiodiglycol which is used for mustard gas. Iraq is not permitted to have any of this chemical without special dispensation (and it seems not to have been given). Conclusion: Iraq is lying.

Or maybe the Iraqis forgot about it. They seem to be forgetting an awful lot lately.

No wonder Carmen empathises with them so deeply.

This has no relevance to anything, I am simply posting it as a community service.

John Safran is still around, although not nearly as spectacularly as he was in 1997-98. His final entry in "Race Around the World" was censored, and two pilot shows for the ABC were never shown. The first, which famously showed Safran confronting Ray Martin, was partially screened on the ABC's "Media Watch". Australian Internet Censorship laws supposedly prevent linking to bootleg copies of the full pilots, but then Blogger is not located in Australia! Enjoy. You will need RealOne player to view the pilots.

It has begun.

THE world's top-ranked batsman, Matthew Hayden, has become the first Australian player to take a moral stance on the Zimbabwe question by claiming he would be opposed to shaking the hand of Zimbabwean President Robert Mugabe.

Hayden, a committed Christian, yesterday echoed Hussain's concerns by claiming a personal meeting with the despot would compromise his strongly-held values and beliefs.

"In my opinion that (a handshake) seriously compromises the values and traditions of what I'm about and I wouldn't like to do that, no," Hayden told the Nine Network yesterday.

The article doesn't mention what faith Nasser Hussain follows.

The Kiwis aren't particularly happy about being forced to play in Kenya, either. Update: So unhappy in fact, they will forfeit their points by boycotting the match in Kenya.

Why are all the cute girls Lefties? Ayn Rand is not only dead, but very ugly. Ann Coulter isn't ugly, but may well be insane. These chicks are our last hope....

Ken Parish has moved his blog, and also added me to his blogroll. WOOT!. Gary Sauer-Thompson has also moved to a new domain.

There was a 3 paragraph post here about Zimbabwe and the cricket world cup, but Blogger ate it. Perhaps Robert Mugabe has taken over there? Anyway, in honour of Bobby, here's a cheery song. (With apologies to Janis Joplin, although Charlie Pride sung it best.)

Me and Bobby Mugabe - by Brad Hogg

Just got back my Baggy Green after seven years of pain,
Indentured servant of the ICC,
I gotta do what Malcolm says if I, wanna get a game,
Forced to play a match in Harare.
Its a long way to Zimbabwe from the old farm at Tarwonga,
And Mabo never staged a bloody coup,
but when I get up on that podium and he tries to raise his banner,
I know just what I'm not gonna do.

Freedom's not important to the weasels in EU,
but it sure is for the Aussie team and me,
So to all the oppressed farmers - this is what I'll do for you:
Punter, Warney all the boys and me... we won't shake hands with that prick Mugabe.

Be careful over there, fellas.

The best pro-monarchy argument I've seen for quite some time here.

Suburban Yobbo culture at its best, as blogged by Bernard Slattery.

In a stunning display of the effectiveness of rehabilitation, career lunatic and Hitler-fan Jack van Tongeren has denounced violence, and embraced politics as his new modus operandi.

Reports from TV news indicate that he will attempt to form a new political party, and attempt to "end up with the balance of power in the senate" (his quote on 9 news).

Some of the aims of his party I have gleaned from the web site of his organisation - the "Australian Nationalist Movement" - as follows:

There will be a highly trained full time force backed up by a vast Reserve of the entire adult population of fighting age, trained from National Service onwards. All Reserve soldiers will keep their personal weapons at home.

We Australians have the right as a Nation to discriminate as to which immigrants will best assimilate into our Australian/Race Culture and only allow into our country those who have the required commonality of Race and Culture to achieve this.

Money is Man's servant, not his master. The Capitalist banking system will be abolished and all existing debts to banks and taxation will be cancelled.

We must destroy International Capitalism in our Australia and also cooperate with other Nationalist minded workers and fighters in other lands who are fighting this common enemy of the entire planet.

It seems that Jack expects previous "One Nation" voters to flock to his cause, because they don't like asians either. I suspect, however, that most previous One Nation voters enjoy starvation, civil war, and oppression even less.

The one thing that stands out above all else is Jack's hatred of asians. I can't understand that myself, but perhaps that is just me. Anyway, I will leave you with one final thought from Jack...

Democracy is nothing more than Capitalism's façade of freedom to hide its developing tyranny. Voting achieves nothing.

More asylum seekers come from Iraq than any other country on Earth. Why has there been no media coverage of their opinions on the war in Iraq?

At the risk of turning this into a Cricket Blog, Australian Tory has some comments on the supposed racism in Australian cricket, according to Malcolm Knox.

The inevitable comparison with the English team is an unfair one, in my opinion. England has long been the home of many migrants from the Indian sub-continent, the Carribean and Africa, which are traditional cricketing nations, due to the influence of the British Empire. It shouldn't come as any suprise that players of African and Indian ethnicity would come to represent England, given the comparatively huge numbers of cricket-playing migrants there, compared to Australia.

The lack of Aboriginal cricketers at a high level (excepting Jason Gillespie) could be attributed to many factors, yet commentators always single out racism as the obvious cause. It should be noted that Australian Rules football plays a very significant role in this disparity, with many young sportsman faced with a choice between the two at age 14 or 15.

The AFL, with its salaries in excess of $200k+ a year, is a much more attractive proposition for any young sportsman faced with that choice. Shane Warne himself was forced into cricket, after unsuccessfully trying out at his beloved St. Kilda F.C. Luckily for Australian Cricket, the other fat kid trying out for Full Forward was Tony Lockett.

At the club level, Aboriginal cricketers are commonplace, as are those with Italian, Greek, and Eastern European heritage. A heartening sign is the increased participation of Asian players in the game - The best known being Richard Chee-Quee. Mark Wong, that lucky bastard, hit me for 57 from 8 overs 3 weeks ago. (It hasn't all been bad news though - I'm second in the all-rounder table!).

The main hindrance to racial diversity in Australian cricket is a cultural one. A significant proportion of our migrants come from non-cricketing countries, and, as a general rule, do not take up cricket in the first generation. Racism obviously exists to some extent, but to suggest that players are being excluded from cricket teams on that basis is ridiculous in today's times. In fact, I would suggest that the opposite is true, with many junior (and senior) coaches actively targetting minorities at a young age, to ensure that they aren't lost to the competition.

Friendly note to Iraqi scientists: The war is going to happen anyway, no need to endanger your life by placing false trust in pathetic UN inspectors. Just keep quiet for the next few days or so, everything will be ok.

An American doctor has been accused of "branding" a patient's uterus before performing a hysterectomy.

Tim Blair has been busy over the weekend.

War in Iraq isn't necessarily all about oil, according to a prominent lefty. Apparently, there may be other factors involved after all, such as Saddam being a ruthless genocidal maniac.

Discussion continues on the Darren Lehmann racism case. Gary Sauer-Thompson gives his opinion, along with with links to Crikey's take.

Lehmann is not only racist, but also misogynist, according to this poor, victimised woman. One can only wonder: Who would think of the poor, orphaned children if Lehmann had said "black bastards" instead?

WON'T SOMEBODY PLEASE THINK OF THE CHILDREN?!?

"No country has ever profited from prolonged warfare."

~Sun Tzu
The Art of War

A very informative series covering the history of America's war on drugs is showing on the ABC at 8:30 Mondays. Tonight's episode covered the rise of the Columbian cocaine cartels in the late 70's and early 80's. Next week will deal with the rise of crack cocaine from the mid 1980's. The series, by American "Frontline" makes no attempt to hide the utter failure of Reagan's policy of "interdiction".

Whacking Day present their case for legalisation of all drugs, based on the increasingly common argument that this a war that does more harm than good. I agree with those sentiments 100%.

Don't get me wrong, I have no doubt of the adverse affects of illegal drugs such as Cocaine, Heroin, Ecstasy and even Marijuana. I have seen enough university and school friends lose all direction and energy due to excessive pot smoking to know that it is hardly benign. My support for legalisation is based on two fronts:

1. People should have the right to do whatever stupid shit they want to themselves, as long as they aren't hurting anyone else by doing it. This should be no different for illegal drugs like ecstasy, as it is for the legal ones like Alcohol, Tobacco, Poker Machines and Lotto. Most drug-related crime is a result of the prohibition, not the drugs themselves.

2. The obvious effect of banning drugs is to hand their control to criminals. In Western Australia, large scale drug rackets run by organised crime bring otherwise law-abiding young people into contact with the shit-filled dregs of society. Outlaw bikie gangs run speed and marijuana, and are beginning to set up more chemical labs around the state. Vietnamese gangs and John Kizon's local thugs deal in Heroin, Cocaine and Ecstasy.

Legalised drugs would take the profits out of the hands of organised crime, and into government coffers, just like tobacco and alcohol. Money could then be spent on health care and education, or "harm minimisation" as drug activists call it. A huge amount is wasted, every year, on drug law enforcement which has virtually zero effect on the problem. In fact, drugs are more prevalent in society with each passing year.

It is my guess that most of our politicians privately agree, but drug reform has always been something that is unsellable to the general public. Demand for drugs is the proverbial irresistable force, while drug enforcement is hardly an immovable object. This is a war that we lose a little more each year, it's time we surrendered.

WA farmers could be growing Genetically Modified salt-tolerant wheat within this decade, The Countryman reports:

The wheat, believed to be able to withstand salt concentrations up to a third the level of sea water, is being developed Grain Biotechnology Australia, at Murdoch University. It may also be tolerant of frost.

Scientists in the eastern states have been experimenting with interbreeding of the traditional hard Durum wheat with primitive varieties from the mediterranean.

They found one ancient variety, from what is today Iran, which fitted the bill and then crossed it with modern durum wheat over four generations to get a new salt-tolerant variety.

Ravaged by drought and salinity, Australia imported grain today for the first time in nearly a decade, only to be met by idiotic anti-GM protestors.

Welcome Darren Lehmann fans!

Lehmann hits have been my main traffic for most of today and yesterday, so here is what I know of the Lehmann case.

1. After being dismissed, Lehmann indulged in the obligatory bat-throwing and cursing tirade in the dressing rooms, ending with "Fucking Black Cunts".

2. The racial slur was heard by members of the Sri Lankan touring party, not by the actual players.

3. After the incident, Lehmann apologised for the remarks to the Sri Lankan team, who accepted his apology, asking for leniency in the matter. Clive Lloyd agreed, and gave him a reprimand.

4. Malcolm Speed picked up the ball and insisted Lehmann face the ICC tribunal for a level 3 offence.

5. Lehmann has been suspended for 5 games, which will make him ineligible for the first round of the world cup assuming that the VB series finals finish in 2 games (which is likely)

The first thing to note in this event is that Lehmann didn't directly vilify anyone. His comments were not directed at any member of the Sri Lankan team, rather all of them as a group. This doesn't excuse his behaviour, but I think most people can agree that running past Sanath Jayasuriya and calling him a "Black Monkey" directly would be a much more serious offense than what actually happened. Especially given that there were no actual team members present, and his comments were simply overheard (presumably because he shouted them from the dressing room).

A reprimand may have been too light of a sentence, but I think 5 games is way too heavy. The heaviest penalty that could be applied for racial vilification is 8 matches, and Lehmann got 5 for what is really a pretty tame case. I could imagine much more serious offenses of a similar nature, and indeed many more serious have occurred in the past. Giving Lehmann such a severe penalty for a relatively tame incident really leaves them nowhere to go in future cases.

The upside of this affair though, is the inclusion of Michael Clarke at Lehmann's expense. Clarke is young and very exciting batsman, a former member of Australia's under 19 world cup side. Watching him in the next matches will be extremely entertaining. If you haven't seen Clarke play, think Dean Jones without the zinc cream, and you will be pretty close.

On a related tangent, It is physically impossible to spin the ball from Leg to Off, with an Off-Spin action, without bending the arm in order to snap the wrist. The ICC has made it illegal to no-ball players during a game, instead the umpires are required to report the action after the fact.

This has to beg the question, probably from our friends in New Zealand: What is to stop Ricky Ponting from taking the ball, in the final over of the world cup final, and pitching baseball-style for the entire over? The umpire cannot no-ball him, no matter how diabolical his action is. This is, quite simply, stupid. Muralitharan is great to watch, and Sri Lanka couldn't compete without him, but he's a cheat.

Disclaimer: This article was written while under the influence of cheap pre-mixed spirits. I will correct any spelling/link errors in the morning.

UN inspectors find chemical warheads in Iraq. Other top stories today: Leading scientists present "Round Earth Theory"

Nobody likes the Oath of Allegiance. Bloggers have been universal in their condemnation of the Australia Day Committee's pathetic effort. Being a student of Yobbo culture, I am of the opinion that we already have an oath of allegiance, penned by yobbo bard Rod Marsh.

Southern Cross - Rod Marsh

Under the Southern Cross I stand,
A sprig of wattle in my hand,
A native of my native land,
Australia: You Fucken Beauty!

Simple, evocative and heartfelt, "Southern Cross" says more about being Australian than any politically-correct wankfest ever could.

Cricket News: Darren Lehmann was reprimanded for a racial slur after being dismissed last night. No Details have come out yet; New concerns about world cup matches in Zimbabwe.

Update: Lehmann could be in considerably more trouble now.

"North African Men" - my google search turned up some gay porn as well as links to the story. The strangest thing about this story, apart from the increasingly vague euphemisms, is that the police officers conducted the raid unarmed.

No officer involved in the raid was armed, while the murdered policeman and two of the injured officers were not wearing protective clothing, Greater Manchester Chief Constable Michael Todd said.

I am no expert, but if I was going to arrest someone who is planning on murdering people in their thousands, taking a gun along "just in case" seems like a reasonable precaution. Deep down, I can't fight the fear that this is political correctness played out to its horrible end: "Let's not take the guns today boys, we don't want people to think we are oppressing muslims."

Tim Dunlop has posted the first of a series entitled "Letters to a new blogger". Being a new blogger, and also being posessed of a healthy ego, I can't help feeling that some of what he has to say is directed squarely at me. With that in mind, I look forward to the rest of the series, in the genuine hope that I can learn something from an experienced campaigner. In the first installment Tim addresses the subject of a "nom de blog", which I have chosen to use:

"I would say that unless there actually is a compelling reason for staying anonymous--such as a severe risk of losing your job--then try and use your real name. Apart from anything, it probably provides some restraint to any tendency you might have to deal unfairly with another blogger."

I have to admit that my reasons for choosing to write under a pseudonym are probably fairly trivial. I am not a published writer, I have never even written a letter to the editor of a newspaper. I don't really have a reputation to protect or anything like that. I did it for the thrill of hits.

My name is fairly common and doesn't stand out, and nobody is going to search for it in google. If they did, they would probably find that 100 people in the world share my exact name, and not find me. I chose a pseudonym because I felt it was catchy, and easier to remember. When it comes down to it, I don't want to write for a vacuum, I want people to read my site, remember it, and come back another day to read it again.

That is my current policy, but as I have already said, I am new at this. I installed comments here because I really want feedback on the blog, not just on the content. I have emailed a few other bloggers with questions, and my name appears in e-mail. There's no reason I couldn't just post my name on my web site somewhere so people can put a name to the blog.

In the spirit of democracy, I'll take a vote. If you think my blog would benefit from posting my real name on it, vote "yes" in the comments box. If you disagree, vote "no". If you disagree with both options, vote for one of them anyway, because votes for any other candidates will just be awarded to one of those two in the end.

In the meantime I am looking forward to the rest of Tim's series, and debating some of the issues he raises. Ultimately, I want what all bloggers want: A readership. If my posts are too boring, inconsequential, virulent, cynical, short, long or what have you, I'd like to know. I'd rather receive criticism than silence.

Carmen Lawrence and a flotilla of peaceniks with guitars sailed to the Abraham Lincoln today and demanded to board for a "Weapons Inspection". One of the protestors penned a song, which he played to the news camera: "No Blood for Oil, No Blood for Oil, No Blood for Oil" which I'm pretty sure could be the next hit for Sheryl Crow.

Unfortunately for Dr Lawrence, the USS Abraham Lincoln refused to allow them aboard. The herd of morons then resorted to trying to annoy them into leaving, by talking nonsense into the marine radio for an hour or two. The whole publicity stunt made me wish that the Lincoln agreed to let Dr Lawrence inspect their torpedos. Up real close.

Blogging this week has been slow, mostly due to me drinking a beer that didn't agree with me (And his many friends). A longer than usual drink after cricket training turned into an evening at The Stamford Arms, where I was lucky enough to run into about 8 sailors from the USS Abraham Lincoln. After a few introductions I went back to their flat for more post-closing time drinking.

Some time around 4:30am I lost my lunch and slunk away home, luckily most of them were asleep by then, so only the stayers were still there to giggle at me. Progress was made though, I learned much about life in the navy, and they learned a lot about cricket. (One of the Americans actually confessed to LIKING cricket, which will probably result in him being reassigned to Canada, or something.)

For guys who are headed for the gulf any time now, they all seemed pretty relaxed and their impression of Australia was pretty positive. Their knowledge of Australian culture has a fair way to go, however. VB was the only full-strength beer available at Casa Americana, leading me to believe that Carmen Lawrence herself filled the drinks orders in another futile attempt to annoy them. Nonetheless, they didn't seem to suffering too badly from the toxic waste problem in their esky, and are enjoying their time off immensely.

I spent today curled up in the foetal position, and reformatting the hard drive after contracting some bloody email virus. To the tens of people who read my blog, I will resume normal blogging tomorrow. To the fucking idiots who create PC viruses, I hope you die. To Pablo and the boys from the USS Abraham Lincoln, enjoy your stay in WA, thanks for the beers, and sorry about vomiting in your garden!

Tim Blair heads the new marketing campaign for "Happy Progress Juice", more commonly known as Oil. Michael Moore tipped to be the next on the bandwagon with his equally snappy slogan: "Oil, at least it's not White!"

Shutting the gate after the horse has bolted.

Protest groups around Australia plan to launch a coordinated demonstration Australia-wide at 5pm "on the day bombing starts". The question has to be asked: why wait until then? If you really don't want to see Iraq bombed, why not protest now? Waiting until the bombing starts (if indeed it does) before making your voices heard, is surely the most obvious symptom of wanting a body count to support your agenda that I have ever seen. I really don't know what else to say.

Ridiculous new laws regarding recreational fishing have been presented by WA's Labour government. Fisheries minister Kim Chance commented "Some WA fish stocks are under serious threat of extinction." Some of the identified species include Mackerel, Dhufish, Coral Trout, Cobbler and Groper.

For the handful of readers who got this far, I will give a quick rundown of these species and their position in recreational angling at the end of the article.

When I refer to recreational fishing, I specifically mean: "Fishing with a rod or handline from a boat or shore, for the purpose of enjoyment and a nice meal" Spearfishing and set nets should come under entirely different laws (and probably do), due to the very different nature of those practices.

I've been fishing all around WA, and every fisherman I have met has been responsible and caring with regards to size and bag limits of fish. (Blowies aren't treated that well though). The last thing any fisho wants is to run out of fish. There are two major problems with the new laws on recreational fishermen:

1. The impact of commercial fishing is so much greater than that of recreational fishing, that if recreational fishing was to be completely outlawed, there would be virtually zero effect on fish stocks anywhere. Traditional angling with rod and reel, by nature, can't catch juvenile fish of most species (the hooks are too large, and small fish don't take baits). So much of our coastline is simply unreachable by trailered boats, that many fishing stocks can't be fished at all, let alone fished out. Commercial trawlers and long-liners are capable of killing more (and smaller) fish in one day than most recreational fishermen would catch in a lifetime of fishing.

2. You can't simply "throw fish back" in deep water, even if you wanted to. Fish caught in deep water (more than 30m) are usually dead before they reach the surface. Bottom dwellers have a swim bladder that swells and usually ruptures by being brought to the surface, in the same way that a diver would get "the bends" from surfacing too fast. Throwing undersized fish back when this happens usually results in them floating idly around the boat for the next hour before dying. This isn't true for pelagic species, but most anglers know the difference. For instance, a Samson fish will survive if released, But a Jewfish is done for.

Probably the most shortsighted part of these new laws is making it illegal to land filleted fish on boating trips of less than 48 hours. Presumably, the thinking behind this is to ensure that fisherman aren't taking small fish, then cutting them to bits to avoid prosecution from fisheries inspectors. The problem is that cleaning largish catches at shore is not only messy, but dangerous. Throwing fourty fish heads into five foot deep water at the beach attracts sharks. Despite what some people may tell you, sharks eat people, and fishermen usually try not to attract them to their family and friends swimming nearby. Cleaning fish at sea is not only much more convenient, but more responsible.

Quick study notes on some of the affected species below. Note: Only the gropers are mentioned at all in this report from the Australian Society of Fish Biology. Only the Western Blue Groper is in any need of conservation.

Mackerel: 2 species of mackerel are of importance to recreational fisherman. The common Blue Mackerel, which exist in almost plague proportions anywhere south of Rottnest Island, and the Spanish Mackerel, which is a highly prized sportfish growing over 3 feet long. Both are pelagic species and are therefore only occasional catches for recreational anglers.

Dhufish, or more correctly, "Westralian Jewfish" are the premier target of most recreational boat fisherman. They are reef dwellers, infrequently caught in water shallower than 30m. Jewfish are sought because of their large size (up to and over 18kg) and superb eating. Despite being heavily sought after they show no signs of disappearing. Like most reef fish they are in abundance in deeper water, where most recreational anglers fear to tread. Jewfish have also been successful grown in captivity in Fremantle's aquaculture centre, so their imminent extinction isn't likely.

Cobbler: a catfish like species, these aren't really sought after by anyone except estuary fishers. While I am sure there aren't many in the Swan River (there's not much of anything there). There are plenty in WA's other southern estuaries.

Groper: There are 2 main species of Groper in WA. The Western Blue Groper is one of the few fish that actually has been in danger in Australia. Large, delicious, and very inquisitive, these cave dwellers were nearly wiped out by spear fishermen in the 1970's. Spearing of Blue Groper is now completely prohibited, and Anglers are only allowed 1 per day (this has been the case as long as I can remember). The news likely refers to the much more common Baldchin Groper, which are a common reef species in nothern waters. See the Coral Trout entry for more info on them.

Coral Trout and Baldchin Groper: These are northern species, only really found to the north of Shark Bay. While they are common recreational targets, a large part of their habitat is protected already from any fishing whatsoever. (The Ningaloo Reef marine reserve). The Northern half of WA is so sparsely populated that it would be extremely difficult to fish out of anything, let alone common species like these. Hell, even whale sharks and dugongs are still seen around there.

Scooby Roo? If this script can get made into a movie, there is still hope for all of us bloggers yet. The premise: Two American losers become entangled with the mob, and are forced to deliver $100,000 to someone in outback Australia. The money is (obviously) stolen by a talking, computer-generated red kangaroo. Assumedly, hilarity ensues.

Hint to South Koreans: The guns in "Counterstrike" aren't real. Huk~! You can't use them to fight North Korea. Babos. o.O

Silent Running admits what the pacifists always knew - pro-war Bloggers are soulless demons who shy away from sunlight.

Unemployment, Mutual Obligation, HECS and more!

The choice for the young people of Dumbleyung, WA is pretty simple. Either you take over the old man's farm (or work for someone else's), or make a clean break and try your luck in "the city". Obviously I chose option #2, with mixed results. After one mind-numbingly boring semester of studying electronic engineering, I landed a job as junior sales assistant in a retail franchise.

It was something that I was good at, and after my manager fell pregnant and resigned, I was promoted to store manager at the tender age of 18 (it was a pretty small organisation). I didn't really care that the "Youth Wage Policy" meant I got paid about half what the old manager got, I liked my job and the place was pretty successful. Of course, when I turned 20, I was sacked and replaced by another 17 year old. They say that if you pay peanuts you get monkeys, this was one of those jobs where a monkey is just fine, thanks.

There is no unemployment in Dumbleyung. If you lose your job, you go down the pub and talk to a friend of your Dad's cousin who will tell you to turn up at 5am tomorrow, Mulesing knife in hand. "The Dole" is for lazy pricks who have never picked up a shovel in their life. Very few people are unemployed for long in small country towns, most simply leave if they can't find work.

Not wanting to be a "dole bludger" I did what a lot of Aussie kids do when they don't know where their life is headed: Went Overseas. I sold all my posessions, took my savings and spent a year travelling the USA. When I reached New York City, I found (illegal) work as a manager of a youth hostel. For nine months I processed reservations, kept the books, and generally ran the office. I had the time of my life, but my status as an illegal alien eventually scared me into coming home.

I was too old for unskilled work, why hire me when a 17 year old kid is half the price? My international experience counts for nothing here, and my previous experience was in an industry that relies almost exclusively on Youth Wages for its labour force. Despite a gift for numbers, experience in Accounting, and programming in Basic on my Amstrad 6128 from age 8, no degree means no job in today's Australia. After seeking work for the required period, my mutual obligation began.

I wanted to work, so I opted to join a "work for the dole" program. Administration was my chosen field, so I was signed up for a 2-week "Adminstration Skills" workshop. "Great!" I thought, "Free Training!".

Lesson 1: Turning on your computer.
Lesson 2: How to find the little button that launches Microsoft Word.
Lesson 3: Learning decimals and fractions.

No, I am not making this up. After the compulsory two weeks, I changed my mutual obligation to "University Studies". Hey, Presto! No longer "unemployed". Another Work for the Dole success story.

My opinion of HECS is pretty close to Stew's, I think it is a fair price to pay for a tertiary education. The real question is what is the value of that degree? I am studying Accounting and Information Technology as part of a Bachelor of Business, to eventually land a position where I will undoubtedly be re-trained on the job. A degree is now a requirement for "administration" jobs that would have been classified as semi-skilled "clerk" 20 years ago.

Apart from forcing people into the HECS system, I fail to see the value of mutual obligation (Ken Parish disagrees). My one compulsory unit of economics introduced me to a concept called "Supply and Demand", and explained what happens when you stuff around with it. The minimum wage (along with increased participation over the last 30 years) creates a surplus in the supply of labour, and mutual obligation doesn't address that problem.

Along a similar line, trying to push people into non-existent jobs by enforcement of mutual obligation only serves to push them into low-level bachelor degrees (and other weak training courses), causing a right-shift in supply and reducing the value of those graduates in the long term. The truly lazy are punished by reducing of their payments when they don't fake their dole diary properly, and those without the academic ability to go back into training are consigned to the work-for-the-dole gulag.

My advice to myself is the same that I blogged to the "Dole Bludger". Recognise that the current system can't employ everyone, and instead employ yourself. Nevertheless, if there is someone out there that could use me, I would gladly consider offers of employment. I make $170 a week from Austudy, and I am almost out of noodles.

We are just doing our part to save fossil fuels! North Korea insists that its withdrawal from the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Treaty will just give them some time to research nuclear power options, the BBC reports. At least there is hope for their agricultural program.

I hate Ants. Not just those nasty Fire Ants or Argentine Ants either. I hate the little bastards that continually crawl into my kettle, giving me ant-flavoured coffee. I look forward to the Ant-Holocaust with great ANTicipation. Maybe this guy can help.

Ken Parish has updated! Ken introduces us to the "Dole Bludger" who will apparently blog his attempt to re-enter the workforce. Not suprisingly, after a decade or two out of the workforce, his attempts so far have been unsuccessful.

The best advice I can give to Meika is the same that friends gave to me when jobseeking: Throw the newspapers away. Most advertised jobs are already semi-filled by the time of posting, but government policy and that of most larger companies require that they be advertised all the same. Despite this, most of the ads will receive replies in the hundreds, and having a 10 year gap in your resume is not going to help your chances of being plucked from the masses.

Networking is the best way to avoid the resume lottery, and is especially useful for people in your situation, i.e. Being posessed of ability and intelligence, without the experience to back it up. Friends employed in large organisations are the best place to start, where a little bit of nepotism can go unnoticed here and there. After that, small business operators looking for "Office Help" (that is, someone who can work that infernal computer thingo) are another option.

Although Meika may disagree, the best solution for him may be to embrace capitalism. It is unlikely you will ever find a position deserved of your intelligence. Incorporate yourself. Sell something, anything, at a profit. Make your own rules and your own wages. Nobody ever works as hard, or as well, for someone else as he does for himself. In the words of Cameron Crowe: "This is how you become great, man".

Oh, and by the way, watch out for Mike Monroe.

If Ken Parish doesn't come back soon, there will be dire consequences. By my clock it is 3:20pm, Thursday the 9th of November. Hurry Up!

The straight dope forums have a very amusing thread, featuring reinterpretations of "Lord of the Rings" Here is a highlight:

"Gandalf, Gandalf! Take the ring!
I am too small to carry this thing!"
"I can not, will not hold the One.
You have a slim chance, but I have none.
I will not take it on a boat,
I will not take it across a moat.
I cannot take it under Moria,
that's one thing I can't do for ya.
I would not bring it into Mordor,
I would not make it to the border."

-excerpt from Dr. Suess's FOTR.

The straight dope, by Cecil Adams, is devoted to answering those stupid questions you were always too afraid to ask, like "Which is smarter, cats or dogs?" and "How many calories are in the average male ejaculation?" Hours of fun.

A big thanks to Tim Dunlop at "Road to Surfdom" for plugging my site, as well as pointing me in the right direction for comments. Comments should now be functioning, so go ahead and Comment.

Great Yobbos in History: Wilson Tuckey

"Iron Bar" Tuckey used to keep the peace in his pub with a big stick, and 30 years on, not much has changed. One of Australia's more outspoken pollies, he likes to call a spade a "Fucking Shovel" and has little patience for beauracracy or professional protestors.

Steadfastly refusing to embrace political correctness has seen Tuckey labelled as a "Stupid, Foul Mouthed Grub" by ex-prime minister Paul Keating, and "racist" by his many left-wing opponents.

"Old Iron Bar" maintains his popularity by supporting the views of his rural electorate regardless of Liberal Party policy. The patron saint of Yobbos, Tuckey's position is about as safe as The Pope himself.

"The Fanatics" are Australia's answer to the Barmy Army, but until now haven't received a lot of press. Their new policy of employing "Beer Wenches" at the cricket has brought with it the ire of professional man-basher Emma Tom.

Tom derides the decision of some young women to cash in on being the object of male desire. (As opposed to cashing in on being a supposed victim of male persecution, which is a much more noble profession.) Emma welcomes the re-emergence of so called "beer yobs", making the job of avoiding them that much easier. After all, unlike Emma's mates, cricket fans haven't engaged in a good ol'fashioned Flag Burning since Bodyline.

The presence of Andy Symonds in Australia's world cup cricket squad could be an ASIO/MI5 plot to assassinate Robert Mugabe, according to the troubled dictator. While obviously not in the squad on form alone, Symonds has lived in both Australia and the UK, and could have trained with British Intelligence in an assassination plot.

In response to the threat, Mugabe could be keeping strict tabs on the Australian team. The Sunday Independent reports: The cabinet agreed that Mugabe's spy agency, the Central Intelligence Organisation, could assign at least three agents to each British and Australian cricketer or official visiting the country. It also supported the bugging of the visitors' accommodation and telephone lines, and closely monitoring their movements.

Despite pleas from the Australian and British governments to boycott Mugabe's regime, the ACB has mysteriously decided to go ahead with planned matches in Zimbabwe.

A few extra links have been added on the left, as well as a referrer that should (hopefully) automatically link back to any page that links here. If the referrer gets too messy I will remove it, but for now I am trying it out. If you would like me to link to your site, please email me.

Finally, Some Good News For Americans

Is being labelled "The Great Satan" getting you down? Here's some good news: Free Money!.

No, it isn't a Nigerian e-mail scam, but rather a settlement of an anti-trust case against the 5 largest CD distributors in the US. After a quick read of the settlement web page, pretty much all you need to do to get the $20 is prove you bought a CD between 1995 and 2001.

Suggested use for the $20: Buy yourself something nice from an "Evil Multinational Corporation"

In a shocking report from Sydney, criminals have apparently completely ignored the "Gun Buyback Scheme" and continue to use firearms in holdups. The Daily Telegraph reports:

"Armed robbery with a firearm has escalated by 34 per cent in the most recent figures provided by the NSW Bureau of Crime Statistics and Research, with 880 offences during 2001. Supt Inkster believes the 2002 statistics to be released in March this year will be higher."

Prime Minister Howard has pledged to further punish licenced gun owners by forcibly buying another $200 million worth of weapons from them. It is as yet unknown how many career criminals plan to hand in their weapons.

Gareth Parker has more commentary on the US warships in Fremantle Harbour, as well as links to my site. I can't confirm his Yobboness, but his blog makes good reading. Thanks Gareth!

Great Yobbos in History: Prince Leonard of Hutt.

In 1969, the WA government imposed quotas on the production of wheat. Farmers across the state had tough limits imposed on what they could produce, but some suffered more than others under the policy. Leonard Casley, a farmer near Northampton, Western Australia, was restricted to 1647 bushels for the year. This miniscule production limit would be insufficient to even pay their interest, let alone provide income for his family.

Lenny Casley wasn't happy with this situation and appealed to the government, who told him to get stuffed. Never really all too keen on authority, Lenny enacted an antiquated law that was left over from the Feudal system of England. This law of "Unjust Enrichment" enabled Lenny to lay claim to government land surrounding his farm, which would in turn increase his quota to a level high enough to make a living.

He suceeded in taking the land from the government, who in return rushed through a bill to allow them to resume any rural lands. Common Law was again called up, this time allowing Lenny's family to form a "self-preservation government" and claim independence from the state of WA and the nation of Australia. The peoples of the Hutt River Province offered Soveriegnty to Her Majesty the Queen. She accepted, but the Hutt River Province was never formally acknowledged by the Australian government, and still isn't today.

A change in government soon after the independence of the HRP saw a threat to their newly formed nation. In response to threats by the new Australian PM to close down their operation, the administrators of the Hutt River Province decided to change to a Principality, which bestowed the title of Prince on Leonard, and all the protection of the crown that comes with it. The effect of this change was that any challenge to undermine the operations of Prince Leonard would be treated as treason against the Commonwealth, and the HRP was safe from the Australian Invaders.

Prince Leonard has ruled his nation peacefully for the last 30-some years, even overtaking Australia on civil issues such as the drafting of a Bill of Rights for his people. He also revived the romantic notion of Chivalry in the HRP, and has bestowed honours of Knightship on those who have served the Principality well. Considered by many to be a tax-dodger, eccentric, insane or even a traitor, he continues his tongue-in-cheek protest to this day, to the extent of issuing his own currency, stamps, and citizenships. The HRP has 13,000 citizens (most living abroad) and embassies in 8 countries.

More information can be found here (as well as a great deal of the information I have already plagiarised). Prince Leonard is a living example of the Aussie Larrikin spirit: May his reign be long and prosperous.

In brief: It seems that FIFA's decision to allow Oceania automatic entry into the World Cup has renewed WA's interest in Quokka Soccer. Morons.

An Iraqi asylum seeker charged with sex offences against a Japanese Student applied for bail on the grounds that he was a Muslim and needed a "certain lifestyle to remain sane." The West Australian reports:

"Abdul Salam Al-Jaboury, 27, was charged with aggravated indecent assault, deprivation of liberty, supplying a prohibited drug and using a prohibited drug."

Magistrate Paul Heaney disagreed, saying he "did not care whether Mr Al- Jaboury was Muslim, Protestant or Catholic, he would not get bail without a surety."

Nothing was mentioned of Abdul's defense of his breaking of Islamic law regarding intoxicants. Presumably his time in jail will keep him out of trouble while he waits out the 40 days of penance before Allah will hear his prayer.

Anti-American sentiment is still running strong in WA. Carmen Lawrence speaks out against the return of the USS Abraham Lincoln to Fremantle, seemingly forgetting that the US are our military allies.

"The carrier is nuclear powered and one can never be entirely sure about the nuclear armed bit as well," said Ms Lawrence. Whether she is just guessing about the nuclear capabilities, or once knew and has "forgotten" is unclear.

Jane Hammond from the "Fremantle Anti-Nuclear Group" is also upset about US ships in Fremantle. "It draws us in into a war that most Australians don't want," said Jane.

While I'm sure that nobody actually wants to go war all that badly, a significant number of Australians realise that it sometimes is a necessary evil, and fully support the US actions against Iraq. Don't speak for us please.

Congratulations to England on their comeback to win the 5th test. Michael Vaughan deservedly took out player of the series, and while he reflects on his performance, Adam Gilchrist attempts to explain away the bad sportsmanship shown by our team yesterday.

Steve Waugh has decided that he will play on if he can find the appropriate challenge. Given that our next test series is against the West Indies in April, it seems like his great career may be at an end. I doubt they will present any challenge whatsoever.

Word gets around here faster than I thought. Not only did my girlfriend sneak a peek at this blog mere hours after I had written it, but the Wog Blog linked to me sometime during the night, despite having not much worthwhile to read here yet. Thanks!

G'day all! Growing up in Country WA, I never really gave much thought to what socio-economic group I belonged in. There was no real catchy name given to people like me (As far as I knew). My parents are 4th generation Australians of European descent, and have owned and worked a wheat farm since they were married at age 20 or so. It was only recently when my lovely girlfriend (who is chinese-indonesian) commented that I may like to meet her friend's boyfriend because "He's a Yobbo, just like you!" that I finally realised that I do fit in somewhere. It was obvious really. I am a player and fan of Cricket and Aussie Rules. I grew up on a farm. My brother is a shearer and drives a Ute (complete with the obligatory B+S stickers). I guess I always associated "Yobbos" with characters like Ted Bullpit or "Norm", and didn't want to associate that stereotype with myself. I am sure the Wog Blogger could come up with a few more imaginative descriptions, but I will leave that up to him. The reason I started this blog is that I enjoy the discussion of politics, current events and economics; subjects that a lot of people actively avoid in polite conversation. Rather than bore my friends with my views, I have decided to instead inflict them on the Australian Blogosphere, for the benefit of all mankind (HA!). Note that I will also try to include meaningless musings from time to time, to break up the monotony. I don't think these blogs provide the ability for anyone to comment on the posts, so I will get an email address for people to reply to ASAP. In the meantime, thanks in advance for reading, and I will endeavour to post something other than an introduction shortly.